Navigating trust and openness can be an exhausting mental and physical challenge. To constantly be aware of how you conduct yourself in public, to always look at things such as the way you walk and talk, is something most LGBTQI+ people experience in their lives. I’m aware of these things every waking hour of the day, and it’s definitely getting exhausting.
Hi, I’m Oskar, Vice Chair of the University Student Council. I’m a second-year bachelor’s student of political science, I’m a 22-year-old Swede, and I’m gay. Probably not the three things I introduce myself with when I meet new people, but it is necessary for the sake of this blog. When I do meet new people, I skip mentioning my sexuality, like most people do. The difference between most people and me, however, is that it doesn’t just stop there: I ask myself, ‘Is it safe for me to reveal who I am to this person?’ And I go into hiding; As I suddenly become highly aware of the way I stand and conduct myself, I try to reveal as little information about this part of me as possible. I stand straight (pun intended), I lower the tone of my voice, and my beloved boyfriend of four years suddenly becomes my ‘partner’. Every time this happens, a big part of me degrades a little. I feel ashamed, small, like I’m lying to the world, and most importantly, to myself.
Feeling at home and being able to be yourself is a cornerstone of VU’s identity; It’s an open university where diversity is celebrated, not penalized. Yet during last year’s student council elections, many students – including myself – felt uncomfortable and, at times, not safe. As a consequence, I had to hide my VU Pride sticker under my jacket and reveal it only at times I knew for sure I was safe. Reflecting on this, I feel shame. Nonetheless, I know in my heart that what I did was an effort to hide myself from getting hurt, verbally or otherwise. Unfortunately, this is a reality for many students on campus.
Every time a student has to hide who they are, that’s a failure. Every time a student feels unsafe on campus because of their sexuality, gender, or identity, that too is a failure. A failure of the system, of the university, of humanity. I refuse to accept this as normal, and I will do everything in my power to make sure no student at VU ever has to feel the way I did that day.