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‘I don’t want to leave too much of myself at home to be a researcher’

Abongile Sonkosi obtained a joint PhD from VU and Rhodes University (South Africa). She studied the experiences of female, black PhD- candidates, and was one herself. During her months at VU she missed a sense of belonging. 

YourPhDthesis is on the experiences of black women in academia. In a way you were your own subject of study, right?“When I interviewed other female blackPhD-students,their experiences werevery similartomineand it felt cold to me to stay completely detached the way I am trained as a scientist. It justdidn’tfeel natural to me.    

“There was a shift when I realized I had to leave too much of myself at home.  The Euro-patriarchal system is strong in academia, but if we want our universities to reallyopen upto people ofdifferent backgrounds, we must consider other ways of approaching science and knowledge.” 

AbongileSonkosi  (37)    

2021-now    Joint PhD at VU and Rhodes University (South Africa)  

2018-2021  Lecturer, Walter Sisulu University  

2015-2018  Master’s Rural Development, University of Fort Hare, South Africa  

2010-2012  Bachelor’s Social Sciences, University of Fort Hare, South Africa  

 Can you give us an example where your situationdidn’tmatchthe expectations we have ofPhD-students?“The standard PhD-candidate comes from a middle classbackground;heisyoung, anddoesn’thave children or financial responsibilities for others. I was working on a scholarship,I have a family,and I amthemotherof aneight-year-olddaughter. Forme,going to conferences was a financial and emotional stretch.I relied on my supervisor’s support to coverhotelsand travel costs.    

“And then, living and working in Amsterdam meant Iwouldn’tsee my daughter for 4 months over multiple stays. This was a big sacrifice.Despite the warm welcome I got from my supervisors Henk van den Heuvel and Christine Teelken and the steady support from my South African supervisor Sioux McKenna, I felt sad and lonesome during my first weeks in Amsterdam. Ididn’tfeel I belonged to the VU community, partly because of cultural differences.” 

Enriching science

Sonkosi’swriting about her personal journey during the PhD-trajectory is fresh and deeply moving. Ifdecolonisingscience means giving space to voices as hers, the resultisanenrichment of the whole scientific community.  ReadSonkosi’sthesis:tinyurl.com/sonkosiphd

 How did you experience these cultural differences?“In South Africa,you will greet your colleagues and makesmall talk, just to acknowledge the relationship and acknowledge each other as a person: I see you, you see me,we’reboth human, that gives us a connection. At VU there were people I knew who just walked by me withoutgreeting.I knew Ishouldn’ttake it personally, but I hada hard timewith that.”  

 Did you find your network in the end?“Yes, atUilenstedewhere I livedI met other students with an African background. And I found friends amongst the women I interviewed. We supported each other, and some of them will be friends for life.”  

 What did you miss being aPhD-student at VU?“We saywe want our universities toopen upto all kinds of people, but we do not support them with what they need as human beings. At Rhodes University,our group of PhD-students and supervisors would meet every two weeks in asocialnon-structuredsetting,wherestudents would have the opportunity to discuss things with others, or with supervisors other than their own. I really missed such a thing at VU.”  

 And in research?“I discovered the western rational approach is too narrow for me.  It felt like an act ofdecolonisationto write about my own struggles and my emotional journey during my PhD. We are so much more than rational beings, we have so much more and deeper knowledge.”  

 You write about ancestors also. What is their role in your life? “In Xhosa culture,ancestors arevery important. I feel supported by them. My brother died in an accident in 2024, that was the hardest time for me. He was always telling me how proud he was of me. Now I can sense his presence at important moments, like my PhD-defense.    

“Also in my research, during or after theinterviews,I would sense the ancestors of the person I interviewed. This made the information more complete.”

‘It felt like an act of decolonisation to write about my own struggles during my PhD’ 

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